So many times I saw something this past year and thought, you would love that. I always looked for a birthday gift that would let you know how much I loved you as my sister. Sure, when we were growing up you would wear my clothes without asking or I would blame something on you so I wouldn't get in trouble, but I never imagined the strength of our sisters bond in the years that followed. And now I am here without you and missing you terribly. I have talked to you this past year but never got any response. You have come into my dreams occassionaly but never said a word. I can still hear your laugh, see your smile and hear the walls shake when you were flying off the handle about something that now just seems so trivial. I never imagined spending a birthday without you and now I approach my second one without you beside me. I think of you often and hope that you have found peace. I will honor your birthday today and hope that you know how blessed I am to have had you as my sister.

Part of me wants to share with others. Part of me wants to hold back. Part of me wants to tell it all. Part of me fears I will crack. Part of me says please leave me alone. Part of me says please stay near. Part of me says are you listening to me? Part of me knows that you hear. Part of me wants to curl up and die. Part of me wants to live. Part of me feels it's okay to be selfish. Part of me feels I should give. Part of me feels I am in this alone. Part of me knows others care. Part of me wonders where God has gone. Part of me knows that he's here. Part of me says to run and hide. Part of me says I should stay. Part of me knows I am not the same person. Part of me knows that’s okay. Part of me says I can't face this day. Part of me says I must try. Part of me knows there are few answers. Part of me needs to know why? Part of me says to deal with the pain. Part of me says to pretend. Part of me feels this hurt will not leave. Part of me feels I will mend. Part of me wants to scream and shout. Part of me silently weeps. Part of me says this can't be real. Part of me knows it's for keeps. Part of me died that day with you. Part of me had to stay here. Part of my future is gone. But part of my future is here. In loving memory of my sister, Cheryl Ann (Hauser) Skipper 12/15/64 - 12/16/04